Oh hey, here I am! The most inconsistent blogger you have ever met. It's a new year and a new me! Just kidding. Not a chance. Same girl over here and I will not promise to get more consistent at blogging because, well- that would be a lie. I come here when my mind has lots whirling around in it and I leave it all here hoping someone says that their mind is thinking the same stuff and I'm not quite as crazy as I feel. I read something and it really hit me as it seems like what I am constantly trying to explain to my husband as to what my life feels like.
Here is the flip side. There are people that will come and unload their baggage on your plate and leave it there. They will take your time, take your advice, and disappear. They will never ask how you are. They will never do nice things for you. They wont even say thank you. They will take what they need and leave. Maybe doesn't sound like a huge deal. To some it may not be. To me, it is. Here is why- If you give me your sadness, your pain, your suffering, I am OK with that, I'll receive it because when I'm suffering, I dont have the ability to give it to anyone because I shut down completely and its horrifying. Understand, if you've given it to me, I cant just set it down and walk away. I feel it, I hurt for you and I will carry it day and night until we can make a better plan because that's just who I am.
The question becomes in this crazy world is how to sort out the good people from the bad people. And, maybe they aren't even bad people but people that are bad for you. I'm learning this very slowly. I'm learning that not everybody who wants in your life should be allowed in your life. I'm learning that some people you met yesterday might be the next best person in your life or might be the absolute wrong person to enter. Relationships and friendships have to be mutual. The effort and empathy towards each other must be parallel. Its even OK for friendships to end if you change and grow. We are certainly not the same people we were 20 years ago. Thank God!
It seems like people are so distracted or overscheduled lately that they put everything in the whole worlds importance over actual people. They are "SOOOO BUSY" yet I have to wonder, what the hell are you doing that you cant dial the phone while you are driving to ask how your friend is? How are you so busy that you can't make it to the gym to be a better you yet you have a ton of time to complain about being unhealthy and enough time to post and scroll Instagram for hours each day. How are you too busy to go to dinner, yet you eat dinner every single day of the week so that's 7 opportunities to see a friend. Check out your screentime per day people and then decide how "busy" you are! Again, I'm not innocent here, I'm just saying this world is becoming very impersonal and its sad.
I have found myself so disappointed in so many people this year and it really was difficult for me. I had a lot of hurt feelings and felt a ton disappointment. I dont believe in resolutions but I do believe in growth and change. My current goal is to really figure out my circle. I want to surround myself with people that give what I give. I want to learn to ask others for help when I need it and I also want to help those that need help. However, I need to eliminate some of the "takers" from my life and that is not always an easy task. I've got some soul searching to do and once I can create a more positive environment for myself, I hope my children can learn to do the same. We don't have to be everyones friend. We have the right to choose who we surround ourselves with. However, we do not have the right to create harm or to be hurtful to others. Its a delicate balance that I'm going to lead for myself and for my family.
I hope you all find your people and I look forward to what this world brings to me this year!
A little update on my family:
Everyone is doing great! Matthew started a new job in a completely different field and is loving it. We are excited for the opportunities it may bring to our family and are so happy he is enjoying work again. Carter is in middle school...lord help us all. He is a straight A student, an excellent athlete, absolutely gorgeous and has found this super awesome new personality of talking back and actually thinking he will EVER have the last word with me. Now come on, that's actually funny! Never, child. Never. Paige is doing ok too. She had a rough start to the year with some mean girls but we are teaching her how to weed them out and she is feeling good again. She got a new bunny named Storm and I love him as much as my children. Just kidding. Kinda. Paige really loves him and carries him everywhere she goes. She takes care of him completely on her own and is doing a great job. She is still dancing her heart out and also joined a travel softball team. Easy is still Easy! He is in 2nd grade. Loves Math and Recess and Gym. His lungs have turned back to complete garbage and the poor kid has more asthma attacks than you would even think possible. He continues to be a super good sport about it and doesn't really let it slow him down from anything. His teeth are falling out like crazy and he for sure eats more than any other member of this family. He makes us all laugh a little harder each day:)As for me, I earned my PRO Card last year and will compete as a PRO in Washington DC in October. I'm nervous and so excited all at once. My goal is to win. I'm pretty sure top 10 or even 5 would be a great goal but I am going to do EVERYTHING in my power to bring the absolute best package possible. I love a plan and a goal and I've got my mind wrapped around that. I also want to get involved in some other organizations and do some more volunteering in other places as well as my beloved HURLEY!
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