Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Ebb and Flow


Ebb and flow:  a decline and increase, constant fluctuations.

Yup, that sums up our life.  I’ve been trying to figure out how to explain what this crazy whirlwind life feels like.  There are ups, there are downs, but fortunately there always IS.  Something is always happening, changing, shifting…  Dude, it’s the ebb and flow.  Its how we operate.  How we exist.  How life just happens.  Sometimes it feels like a roller coaster and sometimes its smooth sailing.  In the end, I will strive to remain grateful for the fact that I’m here to experience it all.

We are figuring it out.  We, meaning Matt and I.  For the last few months we have been just trying to “wing it.”  We aren’t the biggest planners in the world.  We plan the big stuff but the day to day we were just trying to go with it.  Guess what?  It wasn’t going.  Nothing was getting accomplished.  At the end of the day we would realize that we may have survived the chaos but nothing really happened.  It was time for some action.  We got out the calendars and started planning everything out.  We have our workout days planned, we know who is cooking dinner on which day, every appointment for our kids is scheduled and we know who is taking care of which one.  It feels good.  I never thought I would like to have to check a calendar to see how my day would pan out but I have to admit that a little bit of structure and predictability after the year we have had- feels fabulous!  Obviously things run off course and things get bumped but overall we are trying to stick to the plan.  We shall see how long it lasts;)  You know that saying:  We may not have it all together; but together we have it all.  That’s us.  We’re the best team and I sure am glad he picked me.


I recently read a really great blog from the Huffington Post.  It was a woman telling it like it is.  She was talking about people expecting you to enjoy every moment of raising kids because they grow too quickly.  It was the best blog that I’ve ever read because there is nothing I like more than honesty in parenting.   I’m not sure why some people are not honest when it comes to this subject.  It’s hard.  I don’t care who you are or how many kids you have- at some point it has been hard.  My opinion is that we as parents should band together and talk each other through it.  We need to make each other feel less alone.  Let’s discuss the fact that my daughter drew with Chap Stick all over my car window on the way to school today.  Or about the fact that my 8 month old refuses to sleep through the night more than two days in a row.  Or possibly that my oldest son had a complete and total meltdown for over 20 minutes because I told him he couldn’t have chicken for dinner for the 107th day in a row.  This all happened in the last 18 hours.  I mean, I cannot be the only one living this “dream.”  Yes, I love my kids.  Yes, I would give up everything in the world for them.  Yes, I feel blessed to have them.  Yes, every decision I make from the day they were born until the day I die revolves around how it affects their life.  All that said- it doesn’t change the fact that I would do just about anything for a few days on the beach somewhere tropical while they are home in a Grandparents care.  Does that make me a bad Mom?   Does that mean I don’t count my blessings daily?  Absolutely not.  It makes me human.  It makes me honest.  I do my best.  At the end of the day that’s what I have to live with.  My kids are happy, my husband is happy and so am I.  Ebb and flow… keepin’ it real.


Wednesday, January 11, 2012

No surprises


Such a sick baby:(

Nothing surprises me anymore.  I mean that in all seriousness.  It is extremely hard to hit the real shock level with me these days. Having said that- it was absolutely no surprise to me that the first moment I knew Easton needed to be hospitalized was at 2am on Christmas morning.  You know- about 4 hours before Carter and Paige would wake up to find what Santa brought them.  His timing is amazing.  Always has been and I’m sure it always will be.  Poor little guy just couldn’t breathe.  His breathing is always a little off, not quite normal, but this was extreme even for him.  Instead of rushing off to the ER, I sat up with him and gave him breathing treatments and suctioned his nose in an attempt to help him or at least buy myself a little time.  By the grace of God, or my outstanding medically healing touch, which I am doubting- it worked.  I was able to get him calm, his breathing under control and him back to sleep.  By morning and during Christmas day he seemed to be doing better so I decided I would wait and have him seen by the doctor the next morning.  On the morning of the 26th, Matt called the doctor only to find out they were closed.  Outstanding.  Why in the world wouldn’t they be closed when my son cant breathe?  Ugh!  I asked Matt if I should just take him to ER and we both agreed we should try to manage his care at home if possible because the ER is complicated for Easton for a few reasons.  For starters, the exposure to all the illnesses alone freaks me out.  He has a crappy immune system and the last place he needs to be is in a hospital waiting room.  Second and most important is the issue with his lungs.  We knew they would do a chest Xray and we also knew that they would all freak out and immediately decide he has pneumonia even if he didn’t.  His Xrays always look bad so we needed someone to read them who knows what his “normal” is.  Regardless, we were able to make it through another day at home.  In hindsight, I don’t know if that was the best call on our part but I have to live with the fact that I really weighed the options and felt I made the best call.  Cut to the morning of the 27th.  Now I am officially the psycho Mom who showed up without an appointment to the doctors office with a shaky voice and tears in my eyes claiming that my baby cant breathe.  Wow.  That had to be a sight.  I’m usually better than that but this had been going on way too long because of the holidays.  Fortunately, we were taken back immediately and he was put on a pulse ox.  For those of you that know what that means- his SATS were at 81.  My heart sank.  I knew we were not in good shape.  He was given steroids and a double breathing treatment in an attempt to stabilize him before sending him to the hospital.  Its never a good sign when you aren’t stable enough to leave the office!  The treatments worked and he was stable enough to head out.  Once we were admitted into Hurley’s pediatric unit we were greeted by a doctor who had just spoken with his primary physician and was there to assess whether he could have a room on the main floor or if he needed to be admitted to ICU.  Seriously?  I nearly hit the floor.  Thankfully he seemed stable for the time being and stayed on the regular floor.  In fact he was super happy and giddy all afternoon as a result of the steroids.  At 7:00pm Matt decided to leave and go take our other kids home for the night.  Easton seemed good so I was fine with being alone.  In true Easton fashion- everything went nuts as soon as we were alone.  By 7:30 he was on oxygen and having back to back STAT breathing treatments.  He was wheezing so bad even after so many treatments that he was almost moved to the ICU.  Why he needed to wait until his Dad left to act up- I’ll never know!  He ended up testing positive for RSV.  This is a nasty virus that can be extremely dangerous for preemies and children with chronic lung disease.  For this reason they offer a monthly immunization for those who qualify.  Easton was denied and we have been fighting since October to get it.  Insurance didn’t want to pay for the shots but in turn now get to pay for 4 days in the hospital.  Its beyond frustrating and this rant could go on and on but it wont because its exhausting.  One week after discharge- Ins approved the shots.  Gee, thanks.  Once again, not surprising.  The bottom line is this.  Easton got better and came home just before the new year.  We had a little chat with Mr. E and let him know that he needed to pull it together and be discharged before Jan 1.  We are counting on 2012 being a better year and ringing it in at Hurley Medical Center did not seem like a great start.  Easy listened to him parents and was discharged on December 30th- just in the nick of time!  Thanks, pal! 
ANOTHER breathing treatment!


Get me outta here!


We went to a check up about a week after discharge only to find out that he lost nearly a pound.  He looked terrible.  He was taking 8 vials of medication through the nebulizer a day and still wheezing although he was improved.  I left that appointment feeling a little desperate because his weight is so important to his overall recovery.  I mean, how are we supposed to grow new lung tissue if we are losing weight?!  It sometimes feels like a never ending battle.  With no other choice, we went back home and kept on keeping on.
Bubble Boy.  Kidding...Kinda.

Cut to yesterday:  Yesterday was yet another check up.  Guess what?  This one rocked.  Per usual Easton, this kid rallied.  He not only gained almost a whole pound in a week, but he gets to wean his breathing treatments to twice a day!  He looks strong, acts strong and blew his doctor away.  She is shocked that he was able to recovery as quickly as possible.  He may have fell really hard into this illness but its says so much for his health that he came out of it so well.  Sure, he had to be hospitalized when most kids wouldn't have but when his body needed to get up and fight- it did.  He is the best I have seen him and I’m beside myself.  We actually don’t have to go back to the doctor for 3 weeks.  That has never happened.  It was the first appointment I have left with a smile on my face.  I’m proud of him.  He is so strong.  His life has been tough and we don’t really get a whole lot of positive news very often.  Yesterday’s appointment felt normal.  No complaints.  No new things to try.  Just coasting for three whole weeks.  It feels good.  I could get used to this.  The journey with Easton is different than the journey with Paige and Carter.  Its more heart wrenching, more stressful, more work but worth it all with every smile he gives.  He is a great sport and I’m so glad he is mine!

Twas the night before Christmas

Love their Mimi
In other news, Carter and Paige had a great Christmas.  They were tearing through Christmas presents for three days with all the different festivities we had going on.  They never tire of opening a present.  They used their manners and made Mama proud.  I love how exciting the holidays are for them.  The magic of the season is so real to them.  They literally had the best time and love all of their new goodies. 




Ready for Dance!
Carter has basketball starting up next week and Paige is back in dance.  We are trying to stay busy during this weird winter we are having and keep the kids active.  Matt and I have been trying out different gyms in an attempt to motivate to get ourselves back in shape.  If I am going to be a mini van driving,Mom of three- I better look good doing it!  Let’s hope I can find enough energy to hit the gym a few times a week instead of my normal once a month;)

Life is busy and full but its good.  Until next time….

Mama and her Babes.