Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The end of 2011...

Time sure does fly.  Sometimes.  Sometimes it actually seems to stand still.  However, most of the time- it flies.  This year has been rocky but its also been awesome.  Our family is complete.  I have been pregnant or had a baby every year for the past 5 years.  As exciting as that is, its also a little exhausting.  I'm really looking forward to moving ahead.  Watching my children grow and change as I do the same.  Life with three kids under five is crazy but its also a dream come true.  It is what I have wanted my entire life.  I've learned to accept and expect the craziness but to also find the time to stop and laugh at the chaos.  There is no way around the chaos.  I don't care how organized you are- its a crazy life.  And its fun.  And super rewarding.  There are not a ton of things that I can say I am really good at but I do think that I've found my way as a Mother.  If I am not good at anything else for the rest of my life its OK because I have confidence that I am succeeding at the most important thing I will ever do.  I think I am raising secure children that are learning right from wrong, beginning to understand values all while absorbing all the love that we as a family share.   The future looks bright.


The Best Gift Ever.
An Easton update:  Finally, we have a great team of doctors looking after our sweet boy.  We have a new great pediatrician that is leading us in the right direction.  We have had Easton evaluated by a Neurologist and Pulmonologist.  He has an MRI and an evaluation for physical therapy scheduled for the first week of January.  The main concerns now are the fact that he has Chronic Lung Disease, a floppy airway and is really struggling to gain weight as a result of the effort his body has to make to breathe.  He is in good hands with the physicians and has parents that have a close eye on him at all times.  We feel confident that in three or four years he can make a full recovery.  I'm expecting bumps in the roads and am as prepared as I can be for any setbacks.  I vowed to walk this journey with him and that is my full intention.  Whatever it takes- I'm right there holding his hand.  He has changed my life on so many levels and I will never forget how blessed I am to have him in my home and not just in my heart.  


Gingerbread house 2011





Christmas is right around the corner and I sure have some excited kids in this house!  Our elf "Pete" could not create more excitement even if he tried.  These kids barely have their eyes open as they come barreling down the stairs to see where he is watching from each day.  We have done our share of festivities this year.  So far we have made gingerbread houses, baked cookies, had school programs and even had brunch with Santa.  I love the magic of Christmas.  It is especially fun to watch Carter.  He is beyond excited.  He is trying to figure it all out.  He knows there are some glitches in the stories but he is still fascinated by the whole idea.  There have been more questions this year.  For example:  How does Santa get into our house if there is glass on our fireplace?  Why don't I ever see the reindeer tracks?  How does Pete fly in and out of our house?  We answer the best we can and then when we run out answers we confess that we really don't know all the answers...because its magic!  
Cookie Baking with Patty


My Christmas Crazies
And now for the big news...  My journey to the Mini Van.  Some people don't care what they drive.  Some people do.  I happen to care.  A lot.  I care so much that I switch cars like some people switch their clothes.  OK, maybe that's an exaggeration... but not by much.  I am very fortunate.  My parents always provided me with very nice cars and ever since I have bought my own- I have been able to do the same. I like nice things.  While I was pregnant and in bed with Easton, I bought my last car.  Literally, from my bed.  Never left the house.  Found it online and had it delivered.  (Yes, this is an option!)  Maybe I was bored, maybe I was crazy.  Possibly both.  Anyways, I bought a Yukon Denali because I was having a third kid and needed more room and of course, more luxury;).  What I got was a bigger car with no more room.  It is sort of like driving a big box down the road with a lot of wasted space.  It does not suit my needs of multiple strollers, bags, groceries, junk, etc that I need in my car at all times.  Its so big and I am so short that its the most inconvenient car for me to have.  My kids have to climb in and get themselves filthy daily and then nine times out of ten they clumsily fall out of the car while insisting on exiting by themselves.  Its no treat heaving Easton's car seat in and out either.  Overall, this car is a fail in all areas except that it looks cool.  So this brings me to the mini van.  This big box that I drive down the road has decided to give me lots of trouble the last few weeks leading me to a rental car of a mini van!  Those 4 days were so easy transporting the kids around that I got right on the phone figuring out how to get myself one of those bad boys!  My life is chaotic and if there is one tiny thing can make it a little easier- I'm game!  Sounds like a no brainer, right?  Wrong.  Something was standing in my way.  That's right, my ego!  Not to sound crazy but I must be honest.  Everything made perfect sense about this van EXCEPT that I couldn't bring myself to drive it.  I have literally gone back and forth for over a week about this trivial, meaningless subject of transportation.  The more I thought about it, the more mad I got that I was going to inconvenience myself because I was too cool for a van.  Oh, no!  Not this time.  I decided that I'm stepping up and kicking my ego aside.  I'm not only buying the van today.  I am gonna rock that van and I am going to revel in the convenience it brings my life.  I am now a mini van driving, mother of three.  And I couldn't be happier about it!


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.  I hope the holidays are relaxing, safe and thrilling for you all!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Rolling with it...

I am becoming the worst blogger in the world.  It's a shame too because I really like it but I am having the most difficult time finding a few minutes to sit down and let my fingers fly!  Something is happening with the Clark's this year.  I don't want to call it the "Clark Curse" because we did get a sweet baby boy this year and I would also like to think its just a coincidence that everything is so crazy right now and not actually a curse.  I'm not sure if we are being tested or what but we are trying to just roll with it.  Allow me to share a few things that have been going on and hopefully shed a little light on the reason I can't blog!


It all started January 15, 2011 when I got put on bed rest FIVE months before my due date!  This was a challenge but we rolled with it.  We figured it out and had a pretty good attitude about it.  It was the price to pay to have a healthy baby.  Hmmm, obviously it wasn't a guarantee but once again, we rose to the occasion.  We stood up and fought for our boy.  We survived.  Actually, I think we more than survived- we were courageous and walked through the fear while being as optimistic as possible.  Not an easy task.  These days Easton is a smiley, sweet, loving little angel that I couldn't love more if I tried.  I cannot explain how I feel about him other than to say that he is part of me.  He is fairly healthy.  He looks great, has a good disposition but he struggles.  Its so hard to watch.  I know that things could be much worse but it still worries me night and day.  I finally switched pediatricians and got somebody to actually take a look at him.  She is lovely and she agrees that we have some issues that need to be addressed.  Currently I spend all of my time (that I am not at work and chasing my other two kids) running Easton to appointments.  In the last week and in the weeks to come he has a ton of things going on.  He is seeing a neurologist, has been referred to a pulmonologist at U of M, will begin physical therapy, just had some blood work done to try and rule things out and will be having more frequent appointments to monitor his growth.  Things are complicated.  Its hard to find the time to fit these appointments in, work, spend time with the other kids, spend time with my husband, take care of my house, and Christmas shop!  I'll figure it out but its kicking my butt!  Let me add a few details of the last week...  Flying home from Florida over Thanksgiving we had the pleasure of having our flight delayed.  While on board we were notified that  a computer broke so we got to make an unexpected landing in Atlanta so they could install a new computer WITHOUT letting us off the plane.  Normally not a huge deal but with all three kids on board, it wasn't exactly thrilling.  Another issue is my garage door.  Its broke.  Shouldn't be a big deal but it is!  We called to have it fixed.  They don't have the part.  Apparently they aren't too accurate on the estimated arrival of the part since its been two weeks and they said two days.  The first day this happened, I was trapped in my garage with all kids buckled in their seats.  Had to call my Dad.  Had a mishap- scratched the top of my car.  Blah, blah, blah, we solve the problem and its fine.  We move on...an hour later.  Each day and night, Matt has to manually open and close the door.  Today was awesome.  The door is open so I begin backing out.  As I do this the door slams down on the back of my car and scared the bejesus out of me and my kids.  I have to get out and lift the entire weight of the door.  Its only like a million pounds.  I don't know how I did it but I found some crazy hercules strength and opened that door....only to have it slam down again because I am not tall enough to get it all the way up.  Shocker.  Not to worry because I am resourceful and found a piece of trim to prop that bad boy up.  Mission accomplished.  I rolled with it and I only swore once.  Pretty impressive if you ask me.  Oh, wait there is more.  Maybe I should tell you where I was going when all this went down at 8am.  I was trying to drop my kids off at school so I could drop my car off at the dealership. That's right, my car is broke too.  My car has decided that if will only start when it feels like it.  Very random and with no rhyme or reason.  Its pretty fun and not at all scary to go anywhere never knowing if I will actually make it back home.  Yesterday I had the pleasure of calling roadside assistance to jump start my car out of my own garage only making me an hour and a half late for work.  Are you getting the picture?  What in the world is going on here?  Its one thing after another.  Its getting more annoying every day. There is so much more but just thinking about all the mishaps is exhausting me!  Sometimes I just laugh, sometimes I want to cry because everything just seems hard but at the end of the day- I just roll with it.  Or try to.  I have to wrap up because I must sleep before my kids wake up at 5AM- nope, not kidding!  Tomorrow is an exciting day of chasing and gathering chest x-ray films around Genesee County  to take to next weeks appointments


On a positive note my house is decorated for Christmas!  Both Christmas trees are up and the outside of my house is lit up as if Clark W. did it himself.


Crazy Paigey decided to wear "undawares" and is fully potty trained... most of the time.
This girl is crazy.


Carter learned to snap his fingers after months of trying.
Mr. Dreamy


Easton continues to blow me away with sweetness.
Happy Boy
It's crazy around here but things could be worse.  That said, we are so looking forward to 2012!  


Happy Holidays!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Pay it Forward



5 months, baby!
Thursday night was a great night for the Clark family.  We were able to be a part of a benefit that the Hurley Foundation put on.  I worked really hard at raising funds and encouraging my family and friends to attend and it paid off.  I'm impressed with the number that I am personally responsible for raising and it makes my heart feel good.  Two days prior to this event, I received a phone call asking if I would do the welcome speech and host the evening.  My first thought, even though I am not a public speaker, (and after the typical "What will I wear?",) was of course.  The first thing I did after that phone call was write the speech.  The second was drive to Somerset.  Pretty typical.  I was actually nervous leading up to the night but once it arrived I just told myself that this is all for my boy and the nerves just left me entirely.  I can do anything on his behalf.  Let's be honest- after what he has already put me through, everything else is pretty much cake;)  There was about 160 people there and 5 out of the 6 NICU doctors were in attendance because someone had to stay with all the babies!  It was so nice to see them all and I had the opportunity to publicly thank them.  I will probably continue to thank them every time I see them for the rest of my life.  I just want to make sure they get the point!  In all seriousness, its still not enough.  I remember thinking that if God and these doctors could save my baby, that I would spend the rest of my life trying to pay it forward.  This benefit was my first attempt.  Nothing seems like enough.  I can't stop these babies from getting sick, I can't heal them once they do become sick, I feel helpless.  The only thing I can do is to try and contribute to the needs of those who work in the NICU so that they can continue to do their job.  I am so lucky to have the family I have.  Everyone has rallied for us in the biggest way possible and they still feel like they want to give back as well on behalf of their grandson and nephew.  We have come up with a tentative idea of how we feel we can do our part.  We are planning on doing something annually in Easton's name to raise money for the needs of Hurley's NICU.  I will talk to the doctors and nurses and find out what the need is for that year and we will set a goal and try our hardest to reach it.  We are creative people and I know we can come up with fun events that people will actually look forward to attending.  I would love to do this each year around Easton's birthday or discharge date to celebrate.  You never know when you may need the assistance of the NICU.  I spent a week there 30 years ago, my nephew Jagger spent only two days there in March but it was still totally necessary and then they saved Easy's life in May and June.  Its time this family gives back and that is what we intend to do.  I hope that each person that reads this blog will help us to celebrate and raise funds in the years to come!



 A little Easton update for the Team Easton fan club:
Easton is still keeping us on our toes at all times.  He really is super smiley and sweet.  He does know what he likes and doesn't like and has no problem whatsoever in letting us all know.  Matt and I had been feeling like Easton is a little delayed in his development for quite some time now.  He just doesn't seem to have much strength and does not act like a 5 month old.  This isn't too surprising considering he was 4 weeks early and then the next 4 weeks he couldn't even move!  I decided to be proactive and had him evaluated by Early On.  They came out and spent some time with him and agreed that he is a bit behind in his gross motor skills.  They were very helpful in giving us the insight on how to help him build strength and set goals for him to reach.  Easton is very busy practicing his stuff so he gets great marks and new goals in November!  


Easton also has been sick the past week.  It started with an ear infection and a sinus infection.  Next thing we know he has a terrible cough and is wheezing.  He started breathing treatments and a new antibiotic.  Several days later he doesn't seem any better.  Chest X-ray showed some fluid in his lungs so we switch his medication again.  It's unclear if it is pneumonia or if he is starting to have some issues with Asthma.  Its all complicated to me but the bottom line is he has been under the weather and if you want to say a little prayer for him- we'd love it:)


Busy week ahead.  I am telling you there is NEVER a dull moment.  We are having family pictures tomorrow which I'm sure will be so eventful that I could write a whole post on that experience.  I'm sweating just thinking about this...  It's gonna be intense.


I'm looking forward to Halloween so I can eat all my kids candy dress the kids up!  This year we will have a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, the cutest little Piggy you will ever see and a Monkey!
#1, #2 and #3


So Stinkin' Cute

Monday, October 3, 2011

God's Presence


I was asked by our Pastor to write a 600 word essay for the Advent Devotional Book about a time when I felt God's presence.  I think we all know when that was.  Here is the essay:


My third son, Easton Edward Clark, was born on May 18, 2011.  Shortly after he was born, he had difficulty breathing and was admitted to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.  We had no idea how that admission would change our lives forever.  Easton’s condition rapidly deteriorated within 48 hours.  He went from a non critical diagnosis of “wet lungs” to a life threatening condition overnight.  He had Persistent Pulmonary Hypertension in Newborns (PPHN.)  This condition is not very common- only about 1 in 1,000 and has a high mortality rate.  My little boy looked more like a science experiment than a newborn baby.  He had IV’s, central lines, a feeding tube, was on a ventilator, had a chest tube, a pic line, and other monitors all in an attempt to save his little life.  His six pound body looked lifeless as his Dad and I stood vigil next to his incubator.  Looking at him, I knew there was no way he could recover from the severity of his illness.  Each day the results of his tests got worse and my hope dwindled.  I even started thinking of funeral homes and what I would bury him in.  The absolute worse thoughts you can have as a mother. The doctors were doing their best but told us we needed to pray.  These highly skilled doctors were humble enough to tell us that his fate wasn’t in their hands but in God’s hands.  And pray we did.  My first call was to Pastor Jeremy to help us.  We were desperate and I felt we needed a closer connection to God.  He graciously came to pray with us at Easton’s bedside.  It was in that moment that I first felt like God was watching.  The air in the room felt a little lighter.  In that brief moment of a glimmer of hope, I took that opportunity to change my action.  Instead of planning a funeral, I talked to God. All day.  I stood by the window and looked at the sky and prayed for my baby.  I stood next to the incubator looking at a baby I wasn’t able to touch and prayed for my baby.  In the next couple of weeks when we would almost lose him and were forced to helplessly stand by and watch doctors work so hard on him, I prayed for my baby.  I prayed for God to guide the doctors in the right direction and to give everyone the skills to take care of him. I even begged God to save my baby.  These days were dark.  They were paralyzing but I know in my heart that when I spoke to God,  he heard me.  The air would again get lighter.  I could feel him and I knew I needed to keep talking. We reached out to everyone we knew and asked for prayers for our son and guess what?  God proved he was with us and started answering them. Blood tests would improve, the ventilation settings were lowered, he was even allowed to wake up.  There were so many setbacks and bumps in the road but I know how sick Easton was and I also know that the only reason that baby is alive today is because God saved him.  He was on the brink of death too many times to end up perfectly well without some kind of divine intervention.  We thank you God, for hearing our prayers.

We are so grateful to have Easton in our family and we will do everything in our power as parents to care for him and help him to lead a purposeful life.  He will always know the meaning of gratitude and the importance of God everlasting.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Intention...and reality!

I like words.  I always have.  I'm the kind of person that really pays attention to the meanings of words and what people say.  Every now and then I get hooked on a new word and it becomes my favorite.  For a long time, that word was: gratitude.  That is still one of my favorites and holds such deep meaning in my heart.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of the meaning and try to express my gratitude to not only people but to God for answering prayers in the darkest of hours.  Lately, I have a new favorite.  Intention:  the determination to act a certain way.  The word came up a few times in the last couple of months and always made me pause.  The first one to say it was, the one and only, Oprah!  (We all know how I feel about her.) She started every idea meeting for a show asking the producers what the intention was.  What was the goal?  Why this topic?  When forced to answer the questions of intention- you are really finding the reason or value behind whatever it is.  The next place I kept hearing it was at my yoga studio.  Each practice begins with deciding the intention for the hour.  To achieve new levels of fitness?  To just clear the space in your head for an hour of peace?  Whatever it is has value to the person making the decision.  I like it.  The last few weeks I have found myself looking for the intention of what I am doing regardless of what it is.  It can range from how I want to take care of myself, how I spend time with my kids, what I want for my life in general.  It is changing my thinking for the better.  Forcing me to slow down and think things through and to move with a purpose.  Try it.  You may just like it;)


That being said, let me share a story with you about my reality.  I emailed this to a couple of friends about two weeks ago after a crazy morning.  My INTENTION didn't really pan out here...  but sometimes it really does:)

So, because I am nuts, I pack up all three kids to head to target. I get the two older ones buckled in only to go back for Easton and realize my husband took the car seat with him to work in Lansing. Imagine my delight. I called my Mom and had her leave work to bring me hers. I've never installed a car seat in my life but looked up the manual online and got that sucker in! High-five! As you can tell, I am already off to a rough start but I saw on Good Morning America that Missoni had just released a line for Target and a girl like me is not going to miss a Missoni launch no matter what. We finally get to Target and all of the Women's clothes are sold out. Go figure. Moving on to housewares- also sold out. Just as I was about to get really angry I walk past the sweetest Missoni coat for Miss Paige with matching hat and mittens. Score! Next I find some adorable shoes for her. That girl is so lucky and she doesn't even know it. Meanwhile, my kids are acting like animals. They are wrestling, yelling, taking turns running around. I have just about had it when I see there are boots and shoes for women still left. As I am trying on my shoes, the kids go nuts. I swear to you I threatened everything I could think of and they still would not behave. I think Paige's goal was to dismantle the entire shoe aisle and she was damn near close. I had to throw her in the cart and go check out. Without my shoes. Let's just say these kids are not going to have a very fun afternoon. I even drove thru McDonalds on my way home for a Diet Coke and wouldn't get them apple dippers (gasp!) You would have thought I threw away their favorite toy.

Targeting with them may have to stop for awhile. I finally may have had enough.... Except for Easton. Easton LOVES to shop. He's my favorite today:)




Life at the Clarks is still pretty crazy.  Sometimes I think things have settled into a routine and then about five minutes later I change my mind and think it is just chaos!  People tell me that having three little kids means that its not going to calm down for several years.  I'm starting to believe them.  I'm back to work, Carter started football, Paige started dance, Easton is back to refusing to take bottles, Matt's never ending golf league finally actually ended,  the dog still tries to make me crazy, and nobody sleeps at night!  Woo hoo!  As tired as I am or as overwhelming as it can seem- not a day goes by that I am not reminded of how lucky I am.  It only takes one sweet comment or someone needing a hug or a little sly smile to stop me in my tracks and I know that this is exactly what I want out of life.  At least the chaos spares me boredom!





His Mama thinks he is such a stud.
Ballerina Girl.  Ha!
Gotta love a Wal-Mart parking lot.
What a brave boy letting his sister rock him.

Friday, September 2, 2011

We made it.

I think we made it.  It was one year ago this month that I became pregnant with Easton and we had no idea how our lives were about to change.  Finding out you are pregnant with your third baby is exciting but you also have a sense of knowing what is to come.  You've been there before, not just once but twice.  You know the drill.  From the get-go, this was one was different.  For starters, we didn't even have to "try" to get pregnant like in the past so we just figured this baby just really wanted to be here.  Well, thats what we thought once we finally confirmed the pregnancy.  Two positive preganancy tests and two negative tests in the same day was a little odd annoying.  I'm not much for waiting but of course I had to wait a week to go get a blood test to have the levels be really low and in turn wait another week to repeat.  Awesome start!  I knew I would have to do bed rest with this pregnancy because I had with the other two as well.  Matt and I were both OK with it because it was just what it took for us to have a family.  Everybody has their struggles and this was ours but worth it in the end.  Never in a million years did I think I would start contracting at 19 weeks!  Thats not even a viable point and not even half way thru the pregnancy.  It was January 15 and I was due June 15... it seemed impossible.  But it wasn't.  We did it.  I did my part by following doctors orders and did a pretty good job not going insane and keeping my spirits up while Super Dad took excellent care of the kids, me, and the house.  After all the ups and downs, scary days and hospitalizations- we finally hit the 36 week mark and knew we had succeeded.  The madness was over and life would hit a new norm.  WRONG!  The labor and delivery was perfect and quick.  I never broke a sweat and still had makeup on and my hair looked (relatively) good for the post delivery pictures which is obviously critical.  Pictures last forever...
Clearly, we had no idea that the whole pregnancy was actually cake in comparison to what we were about to endure.  You've all read the story and followed his journey and I continue to be forever grateful for all of the support.  As his Mom, I'm not over it yet.  It's not old news to me.  I continue to lose sleep and be haunted by the experience on a daily basis.  I can't look at him and not think about what he has been through.  All children are special- I believe that.  I love Carter and Paige with my whole heart and being.  They are my babies and they were meant for me and I was meant for them.  Easton feels a little different.  At the risk of sounding crazy (which I may be,) I think he was sent from above for a reason.  He is here to make a difference.  I just cannot imagine that he survived his first month of life without a purpose.  I cannot wait to follow him through life and see just what he has to offer.  Trust me- he is going places.


When I say "we made it," I really think the worst is over.  I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel for so long.  Once he came home from the hospital we were always scared.  Worried if he was OK.  It didn't help the adjustment that he screamed all the time, couldn't eat or gain weight, and didn't sleep a wink!  It's so different now.  He still isn't the greatest eater and he doesn't sleep thru the night but he is happy.  He has a smile for just about everyone and he melts my heart every time he looks me in the eye.  He is gaining weight and so much more content.  In fact, he is a great baby.  I'm not delusional and I do anticipate a rough winter because he does live with Paige- and she has yet to make it a winter without RSV and breathing treatments.  I hope and pray everyday that his lungs are greatly improved and he will tolerate sickness better than the last time.  The biggest difference is that we aren't living in fear.  We are enjoying him and I think that has to mean that we made it.
Our fighter
Scary Days

Miracle Man
Happy Days

Thank you God, for giving me this little boy.






Disney World post coming soon... 

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Normalizing.

Miss Paige Ruby
No cavities!
Things in the Clark house are normalizing.  It's a new normal.  It's chaotic, loud, fun, loud, busy, exhausting, hilarious, loud, exciting and loud.  Three kids in four years is humorous.  If you don't stop and laugh then you will go nuts!  I feel like everywhere I go people are laughing at me so I've decided to join them!  Let me give you a little example of what I'm talking about.  Yesterday I took the kids to Target.  I could just sit home all day but I choose to get out there in the real world and see what kind of trouble I can get myself into.  Anyways, Target.  I love Target.  Everybody knows this about me but let me just admit right here and now that I love Target a whole lot less with three kids in tow.  Here is a visual:  Easton in the  back of the cart, Paige strapped in the front to prevent her from jumping out, Carter supposed to be holding on to the cart or riding on the back.  Oh, No.  While I was looking for a tank top Carter took the liberty of hiding in all the clothes racks and cracking himself (and Paige) up.  Obviously we quickly vacated that section.  There were many other little episodes including a trip to the bathroom (of course!) and we ended with one package of gumballs scattered across three check out lines!  Ahh... all in a days work:)  This my friends, is what dreams are made of.  Truly.  All my life I would think about myself at the age of 30.  It's kind of a monumental age and I always just wondered where I'd be, who I'd be with and what I would be doing.  I can honestly say that this is exactly what I had in mind.  I'm a lucky girl.


Up next, Disney World!  Yes, we are crazy.  We get a little bit of normalcy and routine in our life and we like to see what we can do to rock the boat.  The two big kids are thrilled and counting down how many "sleeps" until we leave.  I can't wait to see their faces.  Look out Florida, the Clark's are coming.  Us and Hurricane Irene.  I'm not sure which is scarier for that state.  Should be crazy fun.  These are memories of a lifetime and I cannot wait for it.  I can however wait to fly with Paige...that should be an adventure all on its own.  Love that girl.  Giddy up!


2 years ago.
Here is the big news...Mama's going back to work!  I have been off since January 15.  Yup, that long.  Pregnancy and babies are no joke over here.  I'm actually ready.  I think.  I give all the credit in the world to stay at home Mom's.  It's hard!  I like to work.  I like having a purpose outside my home.  I know I am needed there and love being home but I also like to be out of the house.  I'm going back three days a week so I still feel like I will have plenty of time at home as well.  The weird part is going to be leaving Easton.  I've never had to leave a baby because they always get to come with me.  How ironic that I end up with a baby that can't go to daycare!  The doctors recommended that he stay out for 6 months to a year to give his body plenty of time to heal.  I'm never away from him but at least I know I will only be 5 minutes away and will have lunch with him each day.  We can do this.  


Gratitude, once again.  You know my favorite word.  I'm still overwhelmed with the outpouring of support from people in our lives.  This past week I received an awesome gift from girls I went to college with.  Many of them I have very little contact with except through Facebook.  I can't tell you what it means to me to know there are people out there pulling for us and wishing us well.  Thank you, girls!  I promise to pay it forward.  People like you- push me to be a better person.  Forever grateful.


Lovin' Tummy Time.
Easton update:  He is Super Baby!  He finally hit 10 pounds at 13.5 weeks.  He eats pretty well (most of the time) and refuses to sleep thru the night.  He is super smiley and he loves to look around and check out the world.  I still can't get the images of him so sick out of my mind but at least I have images of his smiling face to go along with them.  Everyday I thank my lucky stars for all the people that took care of him.  God Bless the Hurley NICU doctors and nurses.  We love them all!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

For the Mommies...

This post is for the Mommies of little ones.  I said this blog would be about what was happening in my life and THIS is happening in my life.  I know many people wont relate but just as many will.  This issue of breast feeding has been bugging me lately.


To breast feed or not? What the heck is with this stigma attached to breast feeding these days?  Four years ago when I had Carter, I chose to nurse him because I wanted the bonding experience and I felt it was best for him.  Same with Paige.  That was it.  I wasn't aware of any stigma about it and I never really even considered anybody else's feelings about it.  My kid, my body, my milk, my business.  Right?  Wrong!  Lately it seems like people raise an eyebrow if you don't breast feed your baby.  Wait- lets back up.  Why is one of the first questions out of peoples mouths when you have a baby, "Are you nursing?"  How does this affect anyone else's life except to pass judgement?  You cannot tell me that some of my friends who use formula love their kids less than I love mine.  I just don't buy into that.  I also don't think that they want less for their kids than I do.  It's a personal choice shaped by many reasons and situations.  If you have read my blog before- you know I am an open book.  I will tell you just about anything because I don't believe in hiding your experiences.  In fact, I think its beneficial.  Here is my situation and why this topic is prevalent.  I'm not a new Mom.  Easton is my third baby and also the third baby I have chose to breast feed.  This situation is so different this time.  For one, Easton wasn't fed any milk until he was almost 3 weeks old because he was so sick which meant I just had to pump around the clock to even keep my milk coming.  All you Mom's who pump know what a joy that was!  Now we are home and he isn't a great eater.  It is a major struggle.  He isn't great at the bottle and I'm not able to nurse him at all anymore because it is too much effort and he won't take more than an ounce from me before falling asleep.  I figured this out the hard way by taking him to the doctor and finding he wasn't gaining any weight.  He is still very small for his age and gaining as.slow.as.a.snail!  (He weighs at 12 weeks what my other two weighed at 4 weeks.)  That said, I have to pump every meal.  Might not seem like a big deal but in my world it is.  I have Paige.  Paige enjoys taking off her clothes and going outside while I pump.  She also enjoys dumping cereal on the floor or demanding she's "firsty" the moment I sit down.  I can't exactly stop pumping once I start to re-dress her, get her a drink and clean up the cereal.  This causes chaos with Carter.  He tries to do these things for me and the next thing I know I have two fighting kids and a screaming/hungry baby all while I'm trying to take the 10 minutes to pump then next bottle.  I'm exhausted just thinking about this and it happens...5 times a day:)  Then there is the car pumping.  No, I don't pump and drive- although I have considered it. I like to pump while Matt drives because it's a time saver.  We have to be in the car and that is useless time so I might as well make it useful and make a bottle.  Matt thinks this is nuts.  He is getting better about it now but still looks at me like I may have lost my mind!  The next issue is that I am pretty thin from all the stress and could probably benefit from not giving him all my calories...which doesn't seem to be bulking him up anyway!  Then there is the immunity factor.  Easton needs the antibodies from me to help him fight off infection and stay healthy.  Umm- being strictly breast fed he still ended up in the hospital from a virus nobody I even know had.  My antibodies apparently suck.  Are you getting my point?  It's that there are circumstances in people life that shape their decision.  Please don't judge them.  Being a Mom is hard enough- we all do our best and don't need anybody else's opinion (unless asked) to make it more difficult.


As for me, I am still nursing pumping and bottle feeding all but one feeding a day which I supplement with a high calorie, high protein formula to help plump him up.  However,  I'm thinking about stopping (gasp!)  I have 150 bags of frozen milk to use up and then I plan to switch to only NeoSure which is the formula recommended for him.  I may stop tomorrow, next week, next month, or in 9 months.  The guilt I have about stopping is my own issue.  Fortunately I am pretty confident in my parenting decisions and will ultimately do what I feel is best for my family and myself.  Some people have a harder time or are less secure in their decisions so lets all cut a little slack and try to give new Mom's a break!  Lets support what is best for each person as opposed to what society THINKS is best.  


For the record:  I 100% encourage breast feeding but I also support formula...with no judgement!


Moving on...  Life at the Clark's is still nuts.  It's getting easier all the time but its still nuts.  Sleep is super rare in this house.  Easton has no consistency.  Two nights ago he got up once and last night four times.  No rhyme or reason.  It's just Easton and we all know by now that Easton marches to his own drum!  So last night...Easton got up four times then Paige wakes up crying and comes in my bed.  The crying woke up Carter so he came in.  Pretty awesome night getting up 6 times in my whole 7 hours of being in bed!  Matt tried to tell me that one day I will look back and wish I was still getting up with babies.  Matt is wrong.  There are a lot of things I will miss about these times but never in a million years will it be giving up my beauty sleep!  
All Clean!


Shaving Cream Fun at School
Paige is the cutest thing I have ever seen.  She is also the sassiest.  I want to punish her and I do put her in timeout but I gotta admit- I like her style.  A little sweet, a lot of sass, a bit innocent and enough guts to stand up for herself at all times.  She is talking like crazy and likes to tell jokes.  Unfortunately, her punch line is always "Betause."  She may need some new jokes but her delivery will make you smile anyway.


Carter is growing up.  Its sad.  He likes to say things to me like, "You know I will be 14 one day, right?"  Really?  No doubt.  He knows how to rub it in.  Even though he is the oldest and can be rather moody, I think he is the sweetest.  He loves me so much.  I can't get enough of that and all the sweet things he says.  For example, "Mom, you look like an angel today."  Love him!


Easton is actually doing pretty good.  Besides the whole hating to eat issue- he has been so much better.  He is acting like a real baby.  Finally.  He loves to lay on the floor and kick and cannot get enough of looking at himself in the mirror.  He knows he has got the looks and he has no issue admiring himself.  He is growing slowly but at least he is growing.  He seems more comfortable lately and I just love him to pieces.  He also has the smile down pat!








Lazy Day


12 weeks, baby.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

"Healthy Baby"

This post is just to clear my head.  Its more of a journal entry than anything else.  I'm so exhausted and filled with concern that I can't even think straight.  Hopefully spilling it all here will give my mind a break.


You know that phrase when a pregnant woman gives the correct answer in response to the common question of which gender of baby she prefers, and she answers, "I don't care as long as the baby is healthy."  I gave that answer.  I made sure not to be too greedy and to really be able to accept either a boy or a girl with a happy heart.  I actually meant it.  How about this?  How about if your baby isn't healthy?  Then what?  Then that whole saying isn't really adequate, is it?  What if your baby comes out and can't breathe or has a crappy set of lungs- those super important organs necessary to breathe which in turn are necessary to live.  What if you have to watch your baby struggle every.single.day for a month in the hospital not knowing for a couple weeks if he will even live?  I guess that makes that question about gender a bit less important.  Maybe we should be asking tougher questions.


My heart could quite possible explode from the love I have for this child.  Never in my life did I dream I would have a baby that wasn't "perfectly healthy."  The perfect part he has nailed down, the healthy part we are still working on.  I cannot believe I was naive enough to just assume that my baby would be healthy.  Maybe it was arrogance assuming those things wouldn't happen to me.  Whatever it was, it was wrong.


I would like to just be able to get over this whole experience.   Move on. Thank God that its over...which I do.  The only problem is that it doesn't really feel over yet.  Yes, I am confident he will live and I will be forever grateful for that because not only do I love him, I need him.  He is part of my soul and I wouldn't be complete without him.  Here is the problem, he struggles.  It's hard to watch.  He doesn't always breathe normally.  He breaths way too fast- almost panting at times.  His chest rises and contracts too far and he doesn't always look comfortable. I am used to this and actually pretty immune to it.  It's always brought to my attention when someone else holds him and it reminds me that he isn't like my other babies.  That his normal isn't really all that normal.  Last week reminded  slapped me in the face.  Easton got sick.  He caught a viral infection (clearly a stomach bug) that nobody I know has.  I should add that this kid is pretty sheltered.  Very few people get to touch him and he isn't around all that many people- WAY less than my other babies were. Anyways, this shouldn't be a big deal.  Happens to everyone.  Well, it was a big deal.  He got dehydrated enough in 12 hours to spend 3 days in the hospital.  His breathing was extremely fast and labored.  His coloring was terrible and he even turned totally white on me twice.  Really?  For a stomach bug.  Is this really how his body is going to respond when he gets sick?  Is this going to happen every time a germ blows by him?  If so, this is a long road.  My heart hurts for him.  It's no wonder he isn't the happiest baby on the block- his life isn't easy.  Thats the other hard part.  I spend all my time trying to make his world a better place.  I try so hard to make him smile, make him comfortable, make him feel the love.  I'm just not sure I am getting through to him yet.  I won't give up, I'm pretty persistent.  He'll get there.  He has no choice.


  My emotions change on how I feel about the situation.  Sometimes I am mad that this happened to my family.  I feel like I got screwed out of the first month of my sons life.  Sometimes I am sad.  So sad that he went thru so much and I am not even sure how much he felt, how much pain he was in or if he was scared.  Sometimes I'm grateful.  Grateful that I have this experience to change me into a better person.  There is only one thing that doesn't change and its that I know Easton was meant for me.  I know I'm supposed to walk thru this with him.  I know I'm supposed to help him and protect him and make him smile.  I'm supposed to make sure he is OK.  Lately, its feeling like a lot of pressure.  Like the whole world is on my shoulders.  I'm usually pretty level headed and can handle the pressure.  I'm not gonna lie,  I feel a little scared. Maybe a little out of my league.  It's funny I feel that way now that we are on the mend.  Well, thats what they say.  They say we are recovering.  You know, out of the woods.  I still feel a little in the woods.  Maybe I am paranoid.  Wouldn't you be?  The image of them intubating my son, the image of them bagging him as he lay limp, the image of his body so swollen from the medications, they are clear as day in my mind.  Why won't they go away?  It's over so they should leave, right?  Hopefully, soon.  Even if they are always there- maybe they could be a little less vivid.  I think part of the overwhelming feeling is trying to find time in the day to meet the needs of my two and four year olds as well.  They are so good and so patient with me.  Its like they get it.  They know Easton needs a little more.  It doesn't mean they like it but most of the time, they cut me some major slack.  I wish it weren't that way.  I wish all three could get their needs met at once but thats just not going to happen right now.


This is the life we chose. We chose a life with three young kids.  We always said we would love and accept whatever God gave us- and we do.  A lot.  Easton should improve dramatically over the next six months to a year and with that the fear should lessen and more normal chaos should ensue.  I look forward to the day we all breathe a little easier- no pun intended.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

The truth about having 3 young kids... it's hard!


Batman Party for the 4 year old.

Minnie Mouse Party for the 2 year old.

First of all, I am so embarrassed at how long it has taken me to write another post.  This whole three kids thing is NO JOKE!  Anytime you see a Mom juggling three small children acting like its no big deal- She's lying! If there is one thing I can't stand in life- it's when Mom's don't admit to how hard parenthood can be.  It doesn't make you a bad parent or mean you don't love your kids if you come out and tell the truth that it can be complete chaos.  Mom's need to stick together,  even commiserate every so often.  Its good for the soul:) With that rant out of the way, here is whats happening in my life.  Its not all rainbows and butterflies but as crazy as it is, its our life and we are figuring it out.  So much to update and some pictures to share.  First of all, we have had some birthdays.  Carter turned "4" on May 30 and Miss Paige was "2" on June 21.  
New Cinderella Bike
All business about these presents.
















My kids are just like their Mama and they LOVE to get some presents.  Paige was so excited she couldn't speak and  Carter was so excited he was squealing. I must say, I can't blame them.


The two "big" kids have been doing pretty well adjusting to their new baby brother.  Carter loves him so much and is always keeping tabs on him and letting me know when I didn't burp him well enough and reminding me constantly that if I would have done it right the baby wouldn't have thrown up.  It's always nice to have a four year old tell you how to parent.  Paige's entire day is consumed with gathering paci's and blankies and following me around the house with them so she can care for HER baby.  Apparently she owns Easton.  My sweet, princess Paige is turning into a little terror.  Do not be fooled by the golden locks of curls, bright blue eyes and winning smile.  This girl can tear a house up!  She is sassy, smart, adorable, such-a-typical-2-year-old, and maybe more than a tiny bit naughty (gasp!)  Right now her favorite thing to do is take off her diaper and leave it in random places around my house.  Why don't I potty train her you may ask?  Allow me to share, I can hardly find time to get to the bathroom myself, my baby cries a lot and doesn't sleep, my kids attempt to antagonize each other at every waking second and basically I'm too tired!  Sorry, its the truth.  Other than that- things are smooth sailing:)  No really, its not that bad.  Well, maybe a little bad but definitely not terrible.  


Matt and I have been looking for something to do in the summer.  We love the sun and hate being stuck in the house when its nice out.  We decided to buy a pontoon to keep on Lake Fenton.  We have only been out three times and already think its probably the best purchase ever made.  Carter and Paige love swimming and Carter even met up with his friend on he lake and went tubing.  (What is he, 14?)  


Snoozing in his SPF 50 tent.  Yes, he also has a fan.






Why am I wearing this hat??
Easton has been doing well.  He is a tricky baby.  Shocking, I know.  He isn't much of a sleeper and he likes to holler at us.  To be honest it makes me kind of sad.  I literally try so hard to make him happy and sometimes it just doesn't work.  Carter and Paige were good babies.  Slept well and not very fussy.   He is a different story.  I know he has been through so much but I'm hoping he comes around soon as starts to enjoy us.  I just keep telling him that I love him even if he is bitter:)  His breathing has improved dramatically.  He seems much more comfortable and it doesn't seem to be such an effort anymore.  Our latest concern is his weight.  He is 8 weeks old and only weighs 7 1/2 pounds.  He only gained 6 ounces in the last 3 weeks and he should be gaining 5-8 ounces per week.  The most concerning part is that he eats all the time.  We have a couple new strategies we are trying out and will see the doctor next Wednesday and hope to see some improvement.  Regardless of all the issues, he is my little man and I think he is way too cute!  Everyday I count my blessings to have him in my home.  I still can't believe everything that happened to him and I will never take for granted the miracle of his life.


I was able to write this post because of a small miracle happening in my house.  All three kids napping at once.  That miracle is now over.  I must tend to my favorite little people.