Saturday, June 11, 2011

24 days and counting...

It has been 24 days since Easton entered the world and changed life as we know it. There is an expectation that goes along with having a baby.  You expect labor to hurt and you expect to be exhausted after but its all OK because you also expect you will have a perfectly healthy baby as a result.  Being a third time Mom, I was really blown away that this experience wasn't like the last two.  I knew the pregnancy was difficult but I had made it to the "safe"point.  So instead of worrying about the baby being healthy, I worried about what to pack in the diaper bag.  How many blankets should I bring?  How many options do I need for  his coming home outfit.  Should I bring my own pacifiers?  You know, REALLY important stuff.  I'm still trying to process this unexpected experience.  Actually, I'm still trying to figure out if this is really happening or if I am going to wake up soon and realize it was just a dream.  It's a lot to absorb.  But so worth it when you see how far he has come.  
From This:


To This..
First time holding off the ventilator!

Attempting to eat.

Strongest boy you will ever know.

They say motherhood is the hardest job in the world.  I used to agree with this statement to a certain extent.  I mean, its hard but it also just becomes your life so you get used to it.  It has great rewards so it always seems worth it at the end of the day.  This journey as Easton's mother is like the ultimate "Mother-Load!"  He has only been here for 24 days but he has moved me, scared me, challenged me, taught me, inspired me, forever changed me, and made me more of a believer in the Lord above than ever before.  I'm forever changed.  I could have gone my whole life without this experience, trust me on that, and been fulfilled but I wouldn't understand the concept of gratitude or ever know the fierceness of a Mother's fight like I do now.  My whole family will be better because of this.  This journey is not over and our boy is still sick but I know I can handle whatever comes my way next.  I will admit I am a little nervous to bring him home.  I'm not sure just how fragile he will be.  I don't have experience with a sick baby but the one thing I know- I'm up for the challenge.  I will learn everything I can about him, protect him, trust my instincts and love him with everything I have.  I pray this will be enough and if it's not- I will find a way to do more.  I'm so glad I get to be his Mom because he is one special boy with a strong will for life.  Raising him should be quite the adventure and I can't wait for it.

I've been thinking a lot about the word GRATITUDE:  a positive emotion or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive.  This is my new favorite word.  However, it doesn't even come close to describing how I feel about the Neonatologists, Nurses, and Respiratory Therapists at Hurley's Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.  How am I supposed to thank these people or express my gratitude for saving my son's life?  So many times he was slipping away and they found a way to save him.  When one course of treatment didn't work, they would all put their heads together and come up with something else.  The nurses stayed late, Dr. Rahman (director of the NICU who took over Easton's care) was there on his days off.  These people didn't give up on Easton.  Everybody did their part and more than that- they cared.  They cared that this little boy have a shot at life.  They didn't give up on him because he was a difficult case.  They could have shipped him out to another facility when he wasn't responding to treatment but they knew he wouldn't make the flight so they worked harder.  They SAVED MY BABY.  How in the world do I thank them?  What words could I possibly say?  I'm stuck on this.  I have to do something.  I have to get the point across but I can't even explain it to myself what I feel for them.  I've never had such respect for a group of people in my life.  I will forever be trying to express my gratitude but in the meantime, I will just keep repeating myself with thanks. 

I could write for days about all the things floating around in my head.  I probably will write several more posts about this because this is my life.  I feel like this is the kind of thing you read about or hear about and can't imagine it- but this is my reality.  This is my life and as soon as I am home for more than 2 hours a day at a time- I'm going to have a lot to deal with.  As I work my way thru this- I'm sure you will all be around for the ride because this blog is a great outlet for me.  I'm tired and I have another long day ahead of me so this is all I have for tonight.  Please keep praying for little Easton's body to continue to heal and for him to have the energy to eat. Thank you to all of the TEAM EASTON supporter's for rockin' your bracelets no matter what outfit you are wearing;)

One more thing... Let's not forget about these guys because they are the ultimate troopers and they are missing their Mama and Daddy:

**I promise to keep up on the blog better once I have my whole family under one roof**

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