Saturday, October 5, 2013

Sometimes life if just...hard!

Sometimes life is just hard.  For the record, I know what real "hard" stuff is.  I've experienced loss.  I was in the room with my best friend as she watched her Mom pass away a couple months ago.  I've had a baby on the brink of death and watched him battle for life while being kept alive by machines. I get it.   But, that's not what this blog is about.  Its about all the other "hard" stuff.  The every day shenanigans in my life...because sometimes- those are hard too!  People love to talk about how awesome their life is.  So do I.  I also like to talk about how not awesome it is at times.  We are all human. We all have ups and downs.  Sometimes we are totally rockin' at this life and sometimes we just... suck at it.  I'm just keepin' it real.  I don't love my kids or husband any more or any less on any given day.  We are all just making our way.

I've talked before about the ebb and flow in life.  This whole concept is really the story of our lives.  Sometimes things are just moving along as it seems they should be and others its like you hit a wall and nothing is easy.  Dude, we are totally ebbing right now in the Clark house!  It's ridiculously annoying.  It literally seems like  Prepare for the rant. 

Adjusting from Summer into back to school and new schedules doesn't seem like it would be that hard. Wrong.  I forgot to take into account that my little 1st grader may have some feelings of his own about school and some insecurities I was unaware of.  I didn't plan on my heart breaking in two to hear he was actually scared to death to go to school.  Scared enough to send himself into a panicked tailspin each morning before getting out the door.

Then, there is work.  September is the busiest time for us.  Lots of new kids having difficult time starting   daycare.  Teachers in new positions.  Personalities in their new rooms working perfectly or having to be readjusted.  Lots of sickness with kids and staff.  Here is the deal, I realize that people think I have a cake job.  I work for my Mom, my kids get to go with me and have free preschool.  Not a huge deal if I have a sick kid or I am sick and can't make it.  All true.  Agreed.  BUT, it's not always cake.  It's not always easy.  I'm vested in that business because it is a family business.  If something isn't quite right, I stew on it.  I'm up at 3am trying to figure it out.   Work doesn't really stay at work when the business actually means something to you.  Not to mention the constantly changing variable of the scheduling. Trying to keep over 100 families and at least 25 staff members per day happy- not an easy task.  I like a plan.  I like to know what the day will hold.  At this job, you have to rework your plan a thousand  three or four or five times a day.  Staff calls in, kids don't show up, etc. etc. etc.  Sometimes... it's just a lot of work!

CrossFit.  Seriously, my fitness is a lot of work too!  The hardest part lately is just trying to get there.  I mean, seriously, half my battle is just pulling in the parking lot.   Between football three times a week, gymnastics once, working four days and spending time with my little kids on the fifth- its nearly impossible.  BUT, I GO!  I figure it out.  I get there.  Not always when I like to, but I do walk in that door 3-5 times a week.  Then, its hard when I get there.  This girl doesn't run.  Not fast, not slow, more like- not at all.  I'm finally to the point where I might have to work on that.  I feel like anything with 400m sprints in it and 5 rounds is totally killing my time!  Listen, I'm not trying to be the best in the gym, I'm certainly not trying to be a regional cross fit competitor but I do like to get a decent score each day.  I'm nowhere near the best but I'm certainly not the worst so I'll just keep paying my money for people to make me do crazy things that make me swear and sweat... and hopefully be tougher than yesterday!  Oh, and this trying to eat pretty clean so my stomach doesn't blow up is ridiculous.  I'm not even getting started on this topic.

Nobody sleeps in my house.  Nobody.  Except Paige... but we wake her every couple hours to go potty so actually, I think I wish she slept a little less so she could get herself up!  Easton stands at his door and yells for people to come get him because he's all done sleeping.  This happens about every 30 minutes for a two hour period of time in the middle of the night.  We ignore him but he usually wakes Carter up and then he can't get back to sleep.  Then he is always up for the day by 5:00ish.  Its awesome.  Carter too.  He likes to rise between 5:00 and 6:00.    Don't be so jealous.

There is more.  I could fill a whole book with the annoying things that are making my life seem hard.  But, I won't.  Let's just visit last weekend and then I'll be done.  I've been stressed. I wanted a relaxing weekend of trying to get this family back on track.  I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was a little sad.  I'm a person that can rise to the occassion.  I can handle life.  I usually got this.  But, every once in awhile, I'm exhausted.  Three little kids so close together is a lot.  Its a great life, but its a busy life and there isn't one thing easy about it.  So, I needed some down time.  I got to bed early Saturday night after a decent day of watching my son play football and having dinner with my in-laws.  Per usual, Easton was annoying in the night and yelling at us.  Carter couldn't sleep and came in my room 4 times needing different things.  I laid with him for awhile, I took Paige potty 3 times, I put Easton back in bed twice....all between 11 and 3.  So at 3:30 when Carter came in again, right before I was about to unleash on him for getting up again, he pats my arm and says in his sweetest voice, "Mom, this time I puked all over my bedroom floor.  For real.   All over it.  I was headed to the bathroom but it snuck up on me."  Freaking awesome.  Everyone is aware on how well I do puke.  I get out of bed for the 100th time of the night in which I just needed some rest and did indeed find puke all over his floor.  Obviously I went and woke up the Puke Master aka Matt and let him do the honor.  I also gave Matt the honor of sleeping with him because he is afterall just six and didn't want to be alone.  

This lovely event takes us into Sunday morning.  Still sleep deprived and now just a little more overwhelmed.  Its rainy.   I have a potentially sick kid who seems fine but did just puke so I'm totally boggled.  The day is long because we are cooped up with pukey and the rainy weather.  The kids are fighting nonstop and making me want to rip every piece of hair out of my head.  Did I mention that I'm still tired?  About 13 hours after the puke, Matt and I are sitting at the table.  Kids are in the living room supposedly watching TV.  I'm talking to Matt about how things feel harder than normal and then BOOOM!  This happens.

So, yeah.  Things got a bit dicier.  Apparently she was jumping on the couch and hit the corner of my soft, leather ottoman just right and popped that little spot on her cheek bone right open.  Clearly she needed something to close that thing up.  Off to Hurley.  We were able to get her glue instead of stitches to hopefully minimize the scar.  And, that completed my relaxing weekend:)

Here is the reality.  This is life.  Sometimes its easy.  Sometimes its hard.  These aren't the "real" hard things in life.  I can do those.  These are the annoying hard things in life.  The kind that make you tired and make your head want to pop off and make your pray for five quiet minutes.  But, they aren't tragedies.  This is life with three kids.  This is my life.  If I could change it- I wouldn't for anything in the universe.  There are far more rewards and sweet moments than anything else.  For example:  Yesterday I snuck out of work to do this:
My best girl.

Last night Carter asked me to take him to the movies.  I hate cartoons but I went anyway.  Thank God I did because that sweet boy wanted to sit on my lap the whole time.  Yes, I lost all feeling in my right leg and my foot may never regain its normal circulation but I know those days are numbered and I wasn't missing that moment.  
What a difference a year makes.

Easy is just Easy. He is funny.  Funniest kid ever.  It's not just me- people tell me this everyday.  He's annoying at night but he is hysterical.  I'll never forget how lucky I am to have him.  He completes the Clark, Party of Five, in a way we didn't know was possible.
Rerouting the parade.

Tonight, we are hopefully really getting a break.  Kids are off to stay with family and we are going to be alone.  We are going to sleep through the night.  We are going to eat a couple meals in peace.  

Tomorrow, we are back at it!  Have a great weekend!

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