Wednesday, April 17, 2013

What it's all about.

So, here I am on vacation.  With my husband and without my children.  That's always such an interesting combination.  I mean, I know we are good parents and we spend all of our time and energy with them so to take a vacation to spend time together seems pretty logical.  Its weird though.  I'm beginning day 4 of "no kids, do whatever you damn well please,"  and while parts of it our glorious-I've still been up before 6:00AM everyday and there is that time in the morning and its still dark when it would be nice to hear one or two "Hey, Mama's" from a sleepy eyed, bed headed, adorable little Clark.  We, as humans, particularly Mama's have a hard time figuring out what we crave.  For example, I wanted a vacation away from the kids.  I needed a break.  I know myself well enough to know when my plate is too full and when its time to take a step back, get a grip and then carry on.  I've learned that. I've learned that being with your kids 24/7 and never hiring a babysitter or being a stay at home Mom or being so crazy strict on the perfect schedule doesn't make you a better Mom than the one that works full time, hires the occasional babysitter to enjoy some adult conversation and even lets the kids stay up passed bedtime on a school night!  We all do what works for us.  We all try to get by.  And survive.  You know that saying, "no matter where you go, there you are," motherhood is so like that.  It doesn't matter if I'm at home driving my crazy crew around in my godforsakin minivan or if I'm drinking daiquiris on a beach in unseasonably scorching temperatures while failing to apply an ounce of sunscreen- your heart is your heart and mine belongs to Clark, Party of Five.  They are my peeps.  They are my soul.  They make me insane and want to pull every last strand of hair out of my head but they fill me up like nothing else in the world can.  That is what its all about.  That's what everyone needs to find.  The reason to get up, work hard, laugh, and play.  The reason to find out why life is worth the struggle to do day and day again.  I mean, its not that bad.  No matter what you have going on, look at who is counting on you to make it through.  As a Mom, you set the tone.  Your kids are going to react based on how you react so you better get it right.  No pressure.  Think about it, if you get out of bed in a foul mood- your morning isn't going to be smooth.  That decision is made before you even have a chance to see how anyone else is feeling.  If you are grumpy- you have rocked the boat and someone is going to be late for school and someone is for sure going to time-out before 7am.  Guaranteed.  I haven't got it all figured out.  I'm trying though.  You only get one shot at life so I'm trying to get it right.  Matt and I laugh at ourselves and say things like, "Can you imagine being our kids?  Poor souls!"  Truth is, I hope they feel fortunate.  I hope that when they look back and their childhood they remember it as lighthearted, secure, fun and that they always had an overwhelming feeling of love.  I try to look and my kids and evaluate them, get a sense of how we are doing as parents based on how they act.  Its not working.   My kids are so different.  Every single one of them.  Carter is moody, hyper, smart, sensitive, sweet, Mama's boy and loves the Ninja Turtles like nobodies business.  Paige is sassy, silly, a provoker/trouble starter, great helper, Eastons other Mommy and a ridiculous Daddy's girl.  Easton is hysterical, brilliant and just flat out happy to be alive.  I've never been good at math but when I add all that up, we've got a little drama and a lot of love. So, I think we are doing OK.

For now, I'm going to finish this kid free vacation.  I'm going to drink in the whole experience of doing whatever I want.  I'm going to call my kids before school, after school and before bed and I'm going to not feel bad about being away.  I'm going to talk to my husband about how far we've come and how lucky we are.  And, I'm going to wear sunscreen this time while I do it.

Keep on, Keepin on!

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