Thursday, April 21, 2011

This is just the way it is...

I have several fun and interesting blog ideas that I have already started or thought about starting.  I could easily work on one right now as I lay in my bed baking this baby but I'm not going to.  The entire purpose of this blog is for it to be real and as documentation of my life.  Unfortunately, life is not always fun and interesting.  There has to be bumps in the road in order for us to enjoy and appreciate the good times.  Yesterday was not a good time but I'm going to write about it anyway.  If you are looking for cute pictures and a nice story then this isn't the entry for you.  This my friends- is straight up reality.

Tuesday night I was just trying to lay on the couch and enjoy an episode of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution with my husband.  I was trying really hard to focus on the show but the intense pain in my back accompanied by contractions coming right on top of each other made it extremely difficult.  (Just to be clear, I contract regularly and by that I mean several times an hour.  Although the contractions always feel tight, I am not usually in pain.)  In my head I was thinking that I was just crazy and that with only two weeks left on restrictions we couldn't possibly have any more issues so I continued to lay there and try to will the pain away.  Being the stubborn person I am,  I made the decision to go to bed and hope they were gone by morning.  I'm guessing I was able to sleep about 17 minutes the entire night.  At about 3am I thought I should probably go to the hospital but decided against it because it seemed rather dramatic to leave at that hour so I waited until 6am at which point I got up, showered and calmly told my husband I was going to get checked out at Hurley.  I told him to just take care of the kids and go to work because I would be fine.  This is not the first time I have driven myself to the hospital.  I am so weird about it and I know it.  I just feel like its so (for lack of a better word) dramatic and I get embarrassed by it so I try to just quietly go handle my business.  Looking back I must have known there a problem because I started to pack a bag- just in case they kept me- but didn't want to jinx myself so I skipped that.  I really didn't want to go to the hospital but I always remind myself that this isn't about me and that I could never live with myself if something happened to the baby because I didn't feel like being inconvenienced.

I arrived at the labor and delivery triage and gave them my normal spiel about how I just want to be checked to make sure there is no change.  I warn them that I always have contractions but as long as there is no change my doctor and I have an agreement that I can go back home.  (I'm sure they love me telling  making suggestions as to how to do their job but for the record, I'm always polite.)  After 30 minutes on the monitor and registering several contractions they decide they are going to check me to make sure nothing is happening.  The nurse opens the door to get the doctor and standing right outside is  Matt.  I just want to say that Mama's aren't the only ones with intuition, Daddy's have it too.  Since we are veterans to problematic pregnancies, and because Matt has a job, he usually just goes to work when I tell him that I am fine and he knows I will call him with updates or problems.  Aside from him knowing how much I hate going to the hospital, he said he just didn't like how I sounded when I left.  He knows me and I love that.  Despite our apprehensive feelings, when the doctor came in to check me,  we were prepared to hear that things are the same and we could head back home.  When the doctor said that I have started to dilate- I'm pretty sure both of our hearts skipped a beat.  This was new.  Like I said before, I have a lot of contractions and a few other issues but the contractions are usually ineffective.  The searing back pain and intense pressure I was feeling meant that they were now effective.  Not good. They admitted me to labor and delivery which did not thrill me.  I much prefer being admitted to antepartum (which is for patients with preterm labor that they monitor but don't necessarily think will deliver) where I have already been admitted twice this pregnancy.  At 32 weeks pregnant I do not like to be in the room with the baby warming bed and sweet little blue and white stripe hat.  This very happy room becomes a scary place to be.  The one good thing about being a regular at Hurley is that I know everyone and everyone knows me.  There is always a friendly/familiar face close by.  I must stop right now and give credit where its due.  The nurses at Hurley are the best in the world.  They are friendly, positive, reassuring, kind, knowledgeable and comforting.  I'm not usually a fan of residents but I must say there are a handful up there that I enjoy as well.  As for my doctor, Dr. Mona Hardas, I adore her.  Let me just begin by saying she may be one of my favorite people in the world but she is deserving of her own post altogether and she will have it.  Soon.  As I was saying, this happy room can become a scary place.  I was immediately put on IV fluids to try and calm the contractions and given an injection of a medication that usually helps.  At this point the NICU doctor came in to tell us what to expect if our baby was born today.  Although he was extremely reassuring about the outcome, it still brings tears to your eyes to know the initial struggle the baby will have for the first few weeks.  Shortly after he left it became apparent that the medication and fluids were not touching the contractions and I was feeling a lot of pain.  I tried keeping my nerves and fear to myself so I didn't scare Matt or my Mom but I just wasn't feeling right.  After a couple of hours they decided to repeat the medication and go from there.  By the grace of God, it worked.  I don't know how or why but everything calmed down.  The contractions almost came to a complete stop and the pain lessened.  I cannot explain to you the relief.  It's not that I thought I was going to deliver this tiny baby, it was more of a feeling that I wasn't convinced I wasn't going to.  I'm usually pretty confident that I just need a little intervention to calm things down and then I will go on my merry, bed resting way.  This time was different and I am so thankful for the outcome.  Dr. Hardas decided to move me to antepartum and watch me for the night. By 11:30pm, the contractions started back up but less intense and less frequent (more like my normal activity) so they just restarted the fluids and let me be.  This morning Dr. Hardas visited me and said I could go home.  She knows my aversion to staying there and basically said there isn't really anything left to do.  I was told to be good, continue my bed rest and call her if I need her.  So here I am.  In my bed.  Where I belong.

So, that was my life in last 24 hours.  Not the best time I've ever had but its just the way it is and I'm OK with it.  If this is what it takes to have a healthy baby, I'm game. Exhausted, but still game.  After 93 days of bed rest, I only have 13 left.  For 13 days, I can handle anything.  Bring it;)

 At 34 weeks the baby will still be pretty early but the risks decrease significantly and should be just fine.  Who knows, maybe he will surprise us all and stay put for even longer.  This has been quite a journey.  I don't wish to repeat it but I'd do it again in a second to have this baby I already love with all my heart.

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